You've got to get up to get down: Resume writing

In anticipation of getting back in the Pittsburgh job market, I've crafted a resume that highlights my diverse and mind-blowing skill set. Prepare for a surreal experience.

Daniel L. Hilliard
hilliard649@yahoo.com
412-378-3822
Carnegie, PA 15106

Objective: To apply my professional writing and advertising expertise to a progressive Pittsburgh media outlet, with the ultimate goal of buying a blue Porsche Roadster with vintage leather motorcycle helmet and blast goggles. Also interested in acquiring a small dog to ride in the passenger seat (also with helmet and goggles).

Summary: More than six years of professional experience in newspapers as a writer and advertising manager for the Beaufort Gazette, Valley News Dispatch and the Advocate; invented the concept of 0 (null set); interest in continuing my education in graphic and Web design; worshiped by several major Mesopotamian cultures as En Shabbuh Nur, God of Office Task Management; Briefly fronted 90s hair metal band "Wycked Thyngs"; Once successfully argued the cultural value of David Lee Roth at a law enforcement banquet.

Conclusion: I don't want to draw parallels between my return to Pittsburgh and the Second Coming, but I do own a pair of well-worn sandals, if you catch my drift.

Though my phone number is posted above, the tyrants at T-Mobile charge me by the minute...so, please, keep all job offers to under 200 words. Thank you.